The Eight Years Revolution

I really liked what I played of this game — but I can’t seem to get the save/load functions to work properly, causing me to have to restart each time. I keep getting a pop-up message that the extension is wrong and that it should be ‘.sav’ - but the save files do have that extension. Once it worked, and I was able to load a file, now it doesn’t.

Hopefully I can come back to this once it’s completed/this is no longer an issue. I would also suggest breaking up some of the longer paragraphs as it does become hard to read at times.

Please add an option to increase the font size. This is somewhat painful on a computer monitor as someone with reading issues.

Never give up, beleaguered author. This is lovely.

This was an exceptionally delightful read!! All of the characters are incredibly charming, and I definitely appreciate their tight-knit dynamic. I'm head over heels for Ajmal, seriously. And Felice isn't the sort of RO I gravitate towards, but you did an incredible job with planting intrigue and allowing for different dynamics between them and MC. It's the first time I'm truly looking forward to seeing how the relationship between the MC and an RO develops, without actually intending to pursue them romantically.

As someone who's picky about MC personality and choices, I'm very much satisfied with the reactions/dialogue you supply us with. I deeply appreciate the ability to say one thing while thinking another, and other personality nuances like that; not all IFs allow for the MC to feel like a tangible character and participant of the story, but yours is one that allows me to be properly immersed.

The only instance regarding dialogue options that stood out was when we were presented with the choice to either confess to Ajmal or leave. Given that every other possible romantic interaction is presented with a relatively straightforward either/or with regular choices and then romantic versions of those choices, it feels off when my character isn't forward enough to initiate but is undeniably smitten with Ajmal, so I am cornered into the "non-romantic" choice. I believe a combination of the two would work well, where MC wishes to say something but can't bring themselves to.

Given your recent update to save files, I'll mention that the formatting was confusing to me and I only figured out how it works by accident. If there's a way for you to more clearly distinguish the save/load slots with the save/load files, organizing them visually into 2 columns instead of 9 rows, I think that could help some future confusion from others as well.

All in all, amazing read. Your prose is elegant, and I'm so fond of your characters. I'm really, really looking forward to future uploads!

I didn't get a chance to comment on it yesterday when I read it, so I'm doing it now.

This is such a well written story. I literally feel so much attachment and adoration for practically every character in this lol 

(With a very brief suspicious streak of a certain mer-person.) side-eye

Also Ajmal is best boy.

You're an excellent writer and I look forward to more of your work! <3

Updated google chrome and lost all my progress :( not sure if I saved and updating got rid of it or I just never saved. I'd feel really silly if it's the latter. 

YAYYY OMG ITS UPDATED NJASNOWQ I MISSED SIR AJMAL SMM im tryna have self control and play after my exams but youre making it TOO HARD DEAR AUTHOR fr tho take care of yourself and as always, thank you sm<3 your hard work is appreciated ALOTT i really love this game

I did not expect to love this so much. It honestly is so good and i also like most find myself very much stuck between ajmal and felice. You made it really hard to choose. Sooo excited for more. Really great writing!

i love it very much!!! I love sir ajmal  but felice is just too tempting!! Im so sorry sir ajmal!!! im waiting to update~

There seems to be a slight glitch where if you load a save file, you name will become "first name here". I'm at the first 10-5 choices and chose "Alexis" and custom names , so it might change with different names or later in game.

Felice has just fricking stolen my heart and ran away with it. Permanently.

AAGHH I lovee this story!! And i'm absolutely infatutaed with Ajmal, I'm suprised you can admit your feelings to him so early, but I chose to do it anyway! Zanetta is very funny too, I like her! ,,You keep lovingly applying ice to her ankle, you’re doing that very well.'' made me burst out in laughter, i hope to see an update soon! :)

I like this! I'm pretty psyched to see where this is going.

Tis adorable and i shalt say no more.

The Turkish masculine name 'Anil' is wrong. It's Anıl.  

the writing really drew me in! small error here where i cant access the third option:

it works if it's chosen after another option, however

How do I save my slots to my disc

when will the next part be released? I'm loving the story so far!

Hey there, I love your story and I hope to see more soon! I wanted to let you know that we've mentioned your story in our list of recommended Twine stories. But if that's not okay just let me know. You can view it here, let us know if there are any other details we should add for your title --> https://itch.io/t/1763600/twine-games-with-character-customization-part-1

hello! i was wondering if you could add a delete button for the save slots if people need more or don't need them anymore. great game and cant wait for more!

Are the Dwarven names based on Italian or a romance language? 

Because the name Lagodoro sounds like Lago d'oro (lake of gold). Also Toccarella with tocca meaning touch/tap. I think -rella is used at the ends of words to emphasize things, but maybe that's in another language.  

Anyway I just thought that was a nice little detail.

I just finished playing the demo and totally love it! The story and the characters are very interesting, I liked the choices you can make and how other characters react. It's really nice! 

Thanks so much for the effort! I hope to see more in the future ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ﾉ~♡

Ah, I really enjoyed that one! Though I can't wait to meet Berhane - they are the love interest I'm truly interested in.

I like the writing style and the interactions with the characters - though I can't talk about flavor text since I only have a single MC and I can't look at the code to see the variables outside of the game itself.

I did not notice any technical or continuity / choice consequences related issues, really. Maybe one thing that bothered me a bit was at the start of chapter 2, there was that little segment that starts with "You looked much different than when you first arrived. Better rested, of course, but also fitter. Learning combat with Sir Mansoor was already bearing fruit and you could see the results in your reflection." - it was a bit strange to me since my MC's stats did not reflect that, considering I had no martial prowess increase in chapter 1 so the stat was 0 at that point, but it isn't a big issue either since there is an increase a couple of pages after that.

One thing that I found a bit strange is that MC wasn't yet on the throne at 18 years old. Usually, in settings like this one, I'd expect the new monarch to take the throne when they are around 15 or 16 years old, so the MC being considered still too young at 18 was very strange to me. Maybe it would be good to add a more detailed explanation about why is that. Like, a past monarch that took the throne at that age and went mad with a power they were not mature enough to wield or something like that. Really, it's just a random idea. This isn't that big of a deal either, though - I guess I'm nitpicking a bit.

Really great story so far - I love your writing style and the use of imagery! When I got to the end I was so absorbed in the story that I literally said, 'What? No! Come on...', out loud. lol
I'm really liking these characters a lot too - Ajmal, Zanetta and the princess are all quite interesting so far, and I can't wait to read the next part when it comes out. <3
But yeah, you've done a fantastic job so far! :D

I genuinely don't think I've ever seen a setting that blends cultures and fantasy races/tropes quite like this one -- I'm really looking forward to getting a clearer picture as the story continues. Your interpretation of the typical fantasy dwarf tropes has been interesting so far and I’m hyped to see what you’ve thought up for your interpretation of merfolk! 

I was also pleasantly surprised by how different some of the dialogue tree options are — you could see completely different things if you play a certain way, according to a certain personality trait or another.

Okay, I have some constructive feedback to go over as well — I really hope it isn’t overwhelming. I’m going to all this effort writing this up because I like this story so far and I want to be as helpful of a reader as possible, especially in these early, formative stages of the project.  If at any point this isn’t feedback you want, please feel free to just delete my comment or block me or something. I spent a long time going through the demo and writing this up with the best of intentions — if anything comes across as rude, that is by no means intentional!

——

This is the most important piece of feedback I have, so, while it’s a bit serious, I’m going to put it first: the age gaps. If my comprehension based on context clues is correct, Sir Mansoor is an adult, while the PC is a child. A potential romantic pairing between two individuals aged sixteen and nineteen (if he was assigned at 16, 3 years ago) has a bit of a gross feel to me. It also presents some potential legal issues re: sex, grooming, manipulation. (Same with Zanetta — her age isn’t specified, but to me, she seems closer to thirty or so than sixteen.) 

I think it’s worth being careful about this — 16 and 19 isn’t pedophilia, but for people who notice it, that age pairing is still likely to come off poorly regardless of the fantasy setting. I’m not saying you have to make the PC older, but I will say: it doesn’t look like it would affect the plot negatively to have the monarch be ambiguously a young adult of some sort (i.e. 18+) instead of explicitly underage. 

If I'm misinterpreting context clues, then I'd respectfully suggest maybe specifying the love interests' ages -- the fact that PC is a child warrants extra transparency, in my opinion.

-

Okay! Now with that out of the way, I’ll get into the grammar stuff.

So, this is kind of hard to explain, but there are some intricacies around plurals when specifying people's age that I noticed got switched around some in the demo. You use the phrasing "a sixteen years old" a few times, but this is slightly off -- I've written out a couple of explanations below. 

•  "I am sixteen years old." /  "I was to be coronated at seventeen."
  • (The “years old” is implied in casual dialogue, but either way is fine.)
• "I am a sixteen-year-old." / "You're rather intense for a sixteen-year-old kid." 
  • (When age is specified as a singular noun or adjective, everything is hyphenated and no 's' is needed on the end of “year.”)

Finally, here are some other, smaller things:

• The first sentence of Ch1 was unclear to me — “You remember the….” I just… don’t know what this sentence is talking about. It’s also in a different tense to everything else (present). I think maybe some further setup would help clarify?
• I’m a bit confused about the technology of the setting — they have complex hearing aids and prosthetics but also use typewriters and, seemingly, bladed weapons as a standard? Is this going to be clarified as a magic system thing later or something?
• The phrasing of this sentence in particular took me some labor to understand: “The knight who was assigned to you to act as your bodyguard was still very young, but his water green eyes were already hardened by battle.“

There are a lot of minor mistakes throughout the demo, but it isn’t practical for me to go over everything, especially considering this is an early draft. I gave some corrections for the ones that stuck out to me the most below, but I’d definitely consider hiring an editor down the line if I were you. Your work has good bones and I would love to see it thrive. I'm rooting for your progress!! :)

---

Assorted typos and miscellaneous notes: 

• • “…draping his shoulder”
    • Should be “draping over/across/atop/along/etc his shoulder.” You need a preposition there.
  • “…rows afer rows of stalactites…”
    • Missing letter in “after.” Also, standard phrasing is either “row after row” or “rows upon rows,” but “rows after rows” is not typically used.
  • “If I can be blunt”
    • Should be “if I may be blunt”
  • “the ginger grip of his hand”
    • Did you mean “gentle”? Or maybe you were trying to make an adjective out of the adverb “gingerly,” in which case, that's not possible. “Ginger” as an adjective exclusively means “red- or orange-colored.
  • “King Pace the Twenty First“
    • Should be “twenty-first” or “21st.” If you’re feeling official, “King Pace XXI” is the most correct but least conversational writing.
  • “Him or any official will never speak of your presence here.”
    • Odd phrasing and grammar. Could say either “He and his officials will never speak of your presence here,” or “Neither he nor any official will speak of your presence here.”
  • "My people, who has been..."
    • Should be “who have been” — ‘my people’ is plural
  • “bring the luggages upstairs"
    • “Luggage” is already plural.
  • “Candle light”
    • “Candlelight” is one word

I really love it so far! I really love this method of storytelling, where I can be a part of the story, and you have started a really awesome story here! Thanks!

whoo!! thoroughly enjoyed this! love your writing and it keeps me wanting more! love it!

great work here! i love the way you make us decide our physical appearance

This is really great! I enjoyed it, especially with the disabilities options because I am hard of hearing too :)

Wow this is easily a favorite, I admire your work! Can't wait to see more of it :D

Ahhh I’m already hooked!!! You did an awesome job!! Dont stress yourself too much whilst writing

Love this! Cannot wait to play Sir Mansoor's route! <3 Will there be angst? Pining?? Fluff??? Gah, so excited!!!

Already in love with Zanetta, pls send help!!